Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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