Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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