I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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