listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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