Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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