I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I love you. Go after that dick
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
