6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
