Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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