dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
