Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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