What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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