She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize