Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
