Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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