Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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