last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
