Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize