I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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