What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
