I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
