be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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