looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
