i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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