he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
