White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
