I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
