she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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