It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
