i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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