My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
