It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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