Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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