We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
