Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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