i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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