last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it glows. i had to have it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
