Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
