we're chasing vodka with high fives
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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