hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
