I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
