I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize