If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
