Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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