guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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