Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
