u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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