The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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