I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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