There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize