party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We're too hungover to prance.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The ass gains better be worth it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
