babies were throwing up all over the place
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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