sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
