You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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