i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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