Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
