My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
