allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
