I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
