the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
