Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
