So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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