A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
