Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize