Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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