my being single is dangerous.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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