he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
