She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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