she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
