i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
