I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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