Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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