I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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