I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
