ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
apparently the secret to your success is patron
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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