I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
