dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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