Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize