here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
