Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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