What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize