wakey wakey hands off snakey
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
