I could have mohawked her pubes.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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