saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
