What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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