She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need to calm my uterus...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
