Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
