I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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