Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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