Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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