i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
