so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
