I've blown a few things in my day
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
