No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
