wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
