eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
