we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
