That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
