remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
