Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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