8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize