I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hippo gnu deer
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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