I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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