im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
