Who did Billy Mays play for?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
