what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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