You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize